The Diva knows a little secret.
Given the opportunity to participate in sexual activity, she might opt out on account of her undergarments not suiting her own sense of romance, at the moment. That moment, seduced by Surprise, she's left the house in her white cottons. Her bra doesn't match her bottoms, she hasn't been waxed recently enough to suit her Fancy, her last cycle left a trace. Call her what you may- vain, rude, obsessive compulsive- it is her prerogative to only bare herself in a certain state of lace and lingerie.
Let’s now consider all of those chaps (men and women)- you, perhaps!- who have headed home wondering what went wrong. What was it that you did to turn off the wily diva? You should have worn the other shirt, not made that one comment (Stupid!), not eaten the last bite, and (for heaven’s sake) have gotten a different job- one that made more money- or less money and more sense- before having stepped foot into the home of the likes of Diva - or at least LIED about it!
Or, of course… the nagging, overall suspicion that you were entirely out of your mind to begin with, for why in the world would you have thought for even a minute that you might be worthy of something as crazy as this thing called Love- from such a succulent and worthwhile creature, no less.
It had and has nothing to do with you. She didn't like her underwear!
I am here to say, it never has to do with you. Sounds radical, I know, and I’ll say it again-
Nothing is ever you.
First, the GIVEN is that you are an astonishingly gorgeous, perfect, LOVable creature. You are not your shirt, your words, your wit, your manners, your appetite, or (for god’s sake, for once and for all!) your job… No. You are that which is there when all of these trivial things are stripped away. You are that. You are not your body, your face, your hair, your humor, anything that mind can arrive to- you are not your kindness, your compassion, your actions, your giving blood once a month or calling your mother once a week. You include them. They are not you.
What you indeed are, is unconditional love.
So on the drive home, be with yourself. Be in that love. Go ahead, listen to the mind throwing up all of its conditions at you. All of its “should’ve’s.” There is no condition (not a one) that it could be right about! Open your heart and just let it have been her undergarments.
For the love of truth, let it be her undergarments- Let it be, “Huh, I guess something underneath inside her that I cannot see and I have no business putting my nose in, is stimulating a feeling of this moment being less than ideal for what I thought wanted to happen.” Stay in your center, your own shorts. It has nothing to do with you. Be in your perfection without looking to the outside to find out who you are. To validate what you are. Ultimately, it will make no difference if you find external validation or not. Thumbs up or down- You are love. And she’s doing her thang, whatever it be. Let it be.
This is with everyone and everything. It is not WRONG to look for indication of your worth on the outside. It is simply misguided. Your worth is unchanging and unwavering.
Do not look for the reason your plan did not come through. Be with what is happening. Stop seeking out the conditions of your unlovability. The reasons for that which is happening are beneath the surface of what you know, and your brain’s idea of what should be happening, what was supposed to be, how much the world is centered around your actions, choices, career, breath- is getting you nowhere.
The world is not centered around her, either.
The world is centered round the True Diva - which is all of creation. Let creation do her dance, and the world do all of its, while you soften into the depths of perfection and the immersion into What Is.
And no matter the REASON for her withdrawal, it most certainly is What Is Happening. Therefore, surrender fully into it. With all the love in this universe that is you…*
You can carry on your night, undiminished. (Mantra: “She doesn’t love her underwear.”)
No need to (psychologically) invade her dirty laundry or snoop in her lingerie drawer, by saying, “I wonder what it was. What must she think of me?”
What goes on underneath is none of your never mind.
So never mind it. Leave her relationship to what is unseen, to her.
Stay centered in yourself. Your business. You needn’t try to figure out hers.’ If you’re consciousness is busy scoping out her dirty laundry, chances are, no one is doing yours’ and you will end up naked and cold, wondering what happened. And thinking you need someone to take care of you. You don’t. You need to stay with yourself.
You are not to look to ANYTHING external as indication or validation of your worth. This will always lead to trouble. Someone else’s behavior is not to be used as barometer of your worthiness. It doesn’t work, and how could it? Because probably they didn’t sleep the night before, or -
they get nervous around hot/smart/quiet/awkward/loving/anxious-whatever-you-are people, left their glasses at home and can’t see you very well, broke up last week with a blank-friend, had a hard time with boss at work, had a spiritual awakening that they are not nearly ready to put into words, had a friend when they were two years old who scratched their eye and looked a lot like you… things stirring, moving, influencing their behavior, that are unseen, oftentimes even to them, and most certainly to your self-absorbed mind. It is not self-absorbed in a bad way, that’s how minds work! It is just wrong about what’s happening for other people, because everyone else’s mind is equally self-absorbed! It is most often a bit off about what is happening, drawing from a database of options that does not include the other person’s downloads and that cannot include all that is happening in all its intricacy and brand new possibility, in this moment. The mind is a database of the past. It is the only part of your body with no nerve-endings connecting it with access to immediate information of what is happening around you right now.*
"Most people’s idea of love is one person’s neurosis feeling comfortable with another’s behavior." - Paul Lowe
Love is not a thin line you need to walk.
If you are holding your breath, sucking in your tummy, or walking a line,
You have been pulled over by the cops while intoxicated. And, while perhaps drunk, you are not in love.
Rather than a tight rope,
Love is a floor, beneath you, unconditionally expansive.
It is the foundation of your very being.
Stop juggling behaviors and
Gracefully exit the circus.
*People say: 'I am, because the world is'. You seem to say: 'The world is, because I am'. Which is true?
M: Neither. The two are one and the same state, in space and time. Beyond, there is the timeless. - I Am That. Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
*Kind of frightening to THINK about, I think, as mind has been our somewhat-trusted, default ruler for so long. Thank goodness, as soon as we notice this about the mind, there is also the awareness that we are not the mind. We are the Awareness and can relate to mind as one does a child who doesn't know any better, with love and compassion. An annoying friend who blurts out anything she thinks, but you lovingly have along anyway.